IT AIN'T ME
by Ashlee Craft
The poem's theme & some of lines, as well as the title, nod to a reference to the 1964 song by Bob Dylan, "It Ain't Me, Babe". The poem covers the chasm between realizing you've changed yourself too much just to try & get someone to love you, & both the grief & freedom that comes with stepping away from that, & trying to remember who you were before that.
primordial neon buzzes outside the convenience store
at the crossroads of cornfields at midnight
two women stand close on oil-stained pavement
hesitant shoulders touching, then pulling away
“it ain’t me you’re looking for”, the first one says to the other
“& I’m tired of the rust that settles on my skin
waitin’ for you to see me as your equal & not just
a means to an end
I plowed whole fields & replanted them
to the whims of your own likes & dislikes,
put in the labor to make myself
as palatable as possible,
but like the gaping mouth of a cave
it was never enough for you
I thought if I made myself small enough
it would make you feel grand enough
& maybe then you’d love me,
but all it made me was
small
I can’t keep picking you up when you fall
I can’t keep hating myself for who I’ve molded myself into
& I can’t live like this any more I can’t keep
gathering flowers for someone who won’t even give me
withered petals back in return–”
the second considers this for a moment–
stars continue their sad, silent arcs above as
the rusted ice cooler buzzes
– “you’re not what I thought you were” the second finally says
the first nods, resolute but weary;
the second tips her hat back in return
& the first gets into her Chevy alone–
the engine misfires a bit & the odometer’s well into the triple digits
but she knows the pickup has enough life left in it to get to somewhere worth thriving–
& so does she
Ashlee Craft (he/they) is a writer, multimedia artist, photographer, actor, & more who grew up in the Midwest & now lives in Florida. Their work often explores themes such as surrealism, nostalgia, gender, queerness, mental health, neurodivergence, and identity through symbolism, storytelling, & color.
by Ashlee Craft
The poem's theme & some of lines, as well as the title, nod to a reference to the 1964 song by Bob Dylan, "It Ain't Me, Babe". The poem covers the chasm between realizing you've changed yourself too much just to try & get someone to love you, & both the grief & freedom that comes with stepping away from that, & trying to remember who you were before that.
primordial neon buzzes outside the convenience store
at the crossroads of cornfields at midnight
two women stand close on oil-stained pavement
hesitant shoulders touching, then pulling away
“it ain’t me you’re looking for”, the first one says to the other
“& I’m tired of the rust that settles on my skin
waitin’ for you to see me as your equal & not just
a means to an end
I plowed whole fields & replanted them
to the whims of your own likes & dislikes,
put in the labor to make myself
as palatable as possible,
but like the gaping mouth of a cave
it was never enough for you
I thought if I made myself small enough
it would make you feel grand enough
& maybe then you’d love me,
but all it made me was
small
I can’t keep picking you up when you fall
I can’t keep hating myself for who I’ve molded myself into
& I can’t live like this any more I can’t keep
gathering flowers for someone who won’t even give me
withered petals back in return–”
the second considers this for a moment–
stars continue their sad, silent arcs above as
the rusted ice cooler buzzes
– “you’re not what I thought you were” the second finally says
the first nods, resolute but weary;
the second tips her hat back in return
& the first gets into her Chevy alone–
the engine misfires a bit & the odometer’s well into the triple digits
but she knows the pickup has enough life left in it to get to somewhere worth thriving–
& so does she
Ashlee Craft (he/they) is a writer, multimedia artist, photographer, actor, & more who grew up in the Midwest & now lives in Florida. Their work often explores themes such as surrealism, nostalgia, gender, queerness, mental health, neurodivergence, and identity through symbolism, storytelling, & color.